How to Vacation After divorce with kids

If you want to vacation after divorce with your ex-spouse and your children, it is possible! My ex-husband Matthew and I just went on a 12-day vacation to Paris and Dublin with our three kids. We were divorced four years ago and have gone one multiple vacations with our kids since the divorce.

We decided to make family vacations a priority for a few reasons:

• We both want the memories of big vacations with our kids.
• It makes sense from a cost perspective to do them together vs. doing separate trips.
• Our kids have limited vacation time.
• We still see ourselves as a family, even though we are divorced.

Below I am answering questions we received on Instagram during the trip.

Do you share rooms?

We do not. We both desire to have our own space, even though it does increase the cost of the trip. We typically get an AirBNB, but if we stay at a hotel, we get two rooms. For our recent trip to Paris and Dublin, we had an AirBNB in Paris and two hotel rooms in Dublin.

Do you split the kids up between you?

Typically, our set up is Matthew is one room, Adeline and me in a second room and the boys in a third room. In a hotel set up, we will do boys in one room and girls in one room.

How do y’all go about when traveling people assuming y’all are together?

Sometimes we correct people and sometimes we don’t. It just depends on the situation. For instance, it doesn’t really matter if a cab driver thinks we are married. But if we were on a tour where we were going to be spending a bunch of time together, we would likely correct the guide and say we are divorced.

When people find out we are divorced they usually comment on how great it is that we are vacationing together.

What are your expectations for if/when either of you have a long-term partner?

I think we will make those decisions when they happen based on everyone’s needs and comfort. I hope that we will still take trips together, as it really matters to our kids.

On your family travels do you spend all your time together or have some time apart?

I like to go harder on vacation than Matthew. Usually there are some times where we will have time apart.

Dealing with need for privacy despite already knowing each other so well?

We are both respectful of the other one’s needs. Yes, we know each other well, but we also respect our established boundaries now that we are no longer married. I think having an AirBNB on vacation helps because we typically get a place with plenty of room to spread out.

How do you decide which trips he’ll go on with you?

We generally do one or two big trips as a family every year. It mostly has to do with what the trip is, timing for our work, etc.

How do you handle this emotionally? Isn’t it to painful since you aren’t still married?

It is not painful at all. I don’t love Matthew as a romantic partner, and he doesn’t love me as a romantic partner. I am so grateful that we are close friends and great co-parents who can make memories together with our kids.

Starting my divorce and it is so overwhelming. What did you do in times where you were so sad?

It’s okay and appropriate to be sad. Matthew and I didn’t do any vacations together at the beginning of our divorce.

Traveling with your ex-spouse takes good communication, grace and a willingness to be collaborative. I think the benefits of memories made with kids make it worth it!