Online Dating Tips for Women
I decided to write this series of online dating tips for women on Instagram about the things I learned in my first year of online dating for two reasons: I hoped it would help other single women feel seen and help friends of single women better understand the experience. Dating is hard, vulnerable, and frustrating. It can also be magical, fun and exciting. I never expected to date again, but after my unexpected divorce, I knew I’d have to put myself out there if I wanted to be loved again. I’ve experienced every emotion in the process, but I proud that I stayed diligent and didn’t settle.
The apps I have used for online dating are Bumble (paid), Hinge (paid) and Facebook Dating (free). I also tried Coffee Meets Bagel but didn’t find that it had enough people on it.
Things I Learned about online dating
Beware of scammers (aka catfish)
These are people looking for kicks. Usually their photos are not of them, they will seem enticing, but quickly turn the conversation dirty/want inappropriate photos and/or money.
Verify with a requested photo
It isn’t enough to talk to only those with verified profiles. Ask for a specific photo, like a selfie with a post-it that has the date on it. Catfish will not do this, and it is an easy way to week out jerks.
Get their phone number and Facetime ASAP
This is another way to weed out catfish. Also, texting is different than interacting face-to-face, so ask to Facetime. Definitely Facetime before an in-person meeting.
Meet in person quickly
Don’t waste time texting for weeks. Meeting in person in a public place will help detrmine chemistry in ways that phone-only communication can’t.
Share your location
It’s a good idea to share your location with someone when you are going on a date. I always text one of my best friends and share my location with her when going out with someone new.
Trust your gut
Small red flags don’t get smaller, so trust your gut. If the person isn’t everything you are looking for, let them go. There are a lot of fish in the sea, and you are worth the best.
Treat dating like a job search
Spend time on it every day, just like you would if you were job hunting. Dating online is a big investment of time and energy, so doing a little bit every day is important for finding the one.
Be specific in your profile
Take the time to thoughtfully fill out your profile and have it reflect what you want. You will get less matches, but the matches you will be better suited for you.
Give yourself breaks
Online dating is hard. It can be painful, especially if you are catfished, rejected or go through a break up. Take breaks and care for yourself.
Emotional Lessons I learned through Dating
Going out is fun
I have had more nights our in the past year than I had in the last three years of my marriage. It is so fun to have experiences in my city with another adult.
The dating process is lonely
Having friends who are mostly married means that the dating process can be lonely. Few can really appreciate the loneliness of swipes, conversations that ring hollow, and going to bed alone night after night.
Repeatedly starting over is difficult
Online dating is a cycle of matching, getting excited, sharing pieces of your story, the person not being right and starting again.
Kissing for the first time is always exciting
Whether you are 16 or 40, a first kiss is always exciting. I feel like I appreciate the nuances and differences in ways I couldn’t as a teenager.
Have a list of non-negotiables
Knowing what things are important to you and what you are not willing to compromise on will help you weed out people that are not a good fit for you.
It shouldn’t be hard or painful
If a new relationship includes a lot of heartache or pain, then it probably isn’t the right relationship. Love shouldn’t hurt.
Share dating experiences with your people
Those closest to you can sometimes see things you can’t, so sharing dates with them is helpful to get perspective.
Go to therapy
Having a therapist to process your dating experiences is healthy and helpful. They will help you see patterns and make choices that are good for you.
I am a unicorn (so are you)
A man I fell for said this to me, and I took it to heart. I am something rare and to be treasured. By owning this, it forces me to not settle. And that is something we all should do. Say the same sentence to yourself. “I am a unicorn.” Don’t settle.
I hope you found this post helpful about the things I learned while online dating. Save it and share it with friends and loved ones if you did.