Fighting Guilt and Saying No
This is the third in a series of video posts and conversations around some of the themes in The Fringe Hours: Making Time for You
Before writing The Fringe Hours: Making Time for You
But then I conducted the survey and more than 2,000 women responded. I was so blown away by the vulnerable responses surrounding their struggles and why they don’t practice self-care that I added an entire section to the book about these issues.
One of the top responses was guilt. Over and over and over women cited guilt as the thing preventing them from caring for themselves. Here are just a few of the responses:
- I don’t know how to balance the guilt of taking time away from my responsibilities. I feel like I must choose every day whether to spend a few minutes a day for me or do housework. —Jodi
- I don’t make as much time for myself as I would like because I feel guilty when I don’t tend to my family. —Jennifer
- It’s hard to make time because even though I have only one child, I feel that he and my husband demand my time when I am not at work. Sometimes my husband makes me feel guilty when I am trying to do something fun (like making a photo book or looking at Pinterest) and not spending time with him and my son. —Shannon
- Because I feel guilty that I work all day, the last thing I want to do is go out with friends for me time when I don’t spend the day with my kids. —Sheila
I totally understand how these women feel because I often fight feelings of guilt. But, I have learned to overcome those feelings by giving myself permission to say no to create margin in my schedule for me. Today I have a video to share about a time I struggled with guilt and what I did.
When we let guilt control our decisions, we become exhausted and stressed. By being intentional with our decisions, saying no and only doing what we should/we want to do, we will have more fringe hours to take care of ourselves and out families.
So today, I want to encourage you to look at your calendar. Is there something on it that you are doing out of guilt that you can say no to? Or think about your plans for the day. Can you find some fringe hours to read a magazine, write a card or do something else just for you?
Even though my to do list is long and the laundry piles are high, I plan to write a few Valentine’s cards, get some packages put together to mail and read my new Hello Darling magazine. I know that taking that time to do something I love will pay dividends in the long-run. The laundry can wait.
Do you ever make decisions out of guilt? How can you prevent guilt from controlling you?
Check out post #2 in this series: My Favorite Fringe Hour
This week I am saying no to helping at my kids Valentine’s Day parties. I helped with their Christmas parties and I have an opportunity for some fringe time that I desperately need. I will send snacks and valentines of course, but I’m not going to let the guilt get to me!
100% I have made MANY decisions out of guilt! It’s not surprising to me that so many women responded that they have issues with guilt too. I have been trying in recent years to give myself more time for me and to ignore that little voice that tells me I should be doing something with the kids. But I’m definitely happier when I’m balanced with a little for me too in my schedule!
It’s easier though now that my kids are in school full time… I think it’s a big challenge for Moms with young kids at home to carve out that time and to not feel guilty when they are little.
I give my calendar a cold, hard look on Sunday night and cancel 1-2 things that are going to suck more life out of me than they are worth. I will not let the candle burn at both ends and burn me out of joy.
I think that it’s very easy for women to feel guilty for having time for themselves. But I think as with a lot of things over time as you DO take time for yourselves you will let go of the guilt because you will start to see that the time for yourself really does help you to be a better you. I suffer from guilt for a number of reasons from time to time but my husband encouraged me from even before we had kids to take time out for me, reading, having a girls night out with my girlfriends, shopping with my mom, whatever. And I think that’s helped me so much. As women we put so much more on ourselves than others do.
Love these posts and the book so much Jessica!